Nurturing Emotional Resilience: The Role of Co-Regulation in Parenting

From an Occupational Therapist Perspective

Parenting is a rewarding yet challenging journey that requires constant learning and adaptation. One essential aspect of parenting is co-regulation, a concept that plays a pivotal role in a child's emotional development. Co-regulation encompasses the parent's ability to help their child manage their emotions, navigate stress, and develop self-regulation skills. As an occupational therapist, I understand the significance of co-regulation in fostering emotional resilience and overall well-being in children. In this article, we will explore the key components of co-regulation, including soothing an infant, attunement, the importance of physical proximity, and the child's journey towards self-regulation.

Soothing an Infant

The first few months of a baby's life are marked by an intense need for comfort and security. Infants are not yet equipped with the ability to regulate their emotions independently, so parents play an active role in soothing them. Co-regulation begins with the parent's ability to respond as promptly and sensitively as possible to their baby's needs.

Occupational therapists emphasize the importance of understanding your baby's cues, which can include crying, facial expressions, and body language. By responding consistently to these cues, parents can provide a secure emotional foundation for their child. Also being empathetic and allowing your child to be distressed, rather than trying to “fix it” or minimize it will help them calm down sooner. Techniques such as gentle rocking, swaddling, and using a pacifier can be effective in soothing infants and helping them feel safe and comforted.

Self-Care

It’s not as simple as being a calm adult who calms the crying baby. The caregiver actually matches the infant’s distress initially, and while calming themselves down, they teach the baby the skills they need to eventually be able to self-regulate. The baby is actually borrowing from the caregiver’s nervous system, and as the caregiver calms themselves down, they are giving their regulation to their child to help them calm down. It is an interactive process and happens unconsciously. However, if caregivers become aware of this syncing up of their nervous system with their child’s, they can better understand the importance of self-care. The more a caregiver can stay regulated, the easier it will be for their child to “borrow” from them and learn this lifelong skill. If there is more than one caregiver available, don’t be afraid to “tag in” the more regulated adult. Soothing a distressed child is stressful, and sometimes you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of them.

Attunement

Attunement is the ability of a parent to tune in to their child's emotional state and respond accordingly. It involves being present and emotionally available to your child. When parents are attuned to their child's needs, they can provide the right level of support and comfort, promoting emotional regulation.

Physical Proximity

Physical proximity is another important aspect of co-regulation. Being physically close to your child, especially during times of distress, can have a calming and reassuring effect. Physical touch, such as cuddling, holding, or skin-to-skin contact, releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding and reduces stress.

For infants, babywearing can be a valuable tool in maintaining physical closeness while allowing parents to attend to other tasks. As your child grows, maintaining physical proximity through comforting touch and hugging continues to be important in fostering emotional regulation and a sense of security.

The Child's Journey to Self-Regulation

While co-regulation is vital in infancy and early childhood, its ultimate goal is to help children develop the skills they need to self-regulate. Self-regulation is the ability to manage one's own emotions, behaviors, and physiological responses in various situations. It is a fundamental skill that paves the way for a child's emotional resilience and independence.

Occupational therapists often work with parents to gradually transition from co-regulation to self-regulation. This involves providing opportunities for children to make choices, solve problems, and express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment. It also includes teaching them coping strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and self-soothing techniques, which they can use as they grow older.

In the journey of parenthood, co-regulation is a cornerstone in helping children develop emotional resilience and self-regulation skills. As an occupational therapist, I have seen firsthand the positive impact of co-regulation on a child's emotional well-being. By soothing infants, practicing attunement, maintaining physical proximity, and guiding the child toward self-regulation, parents can provide a nurturing environment that fosters emotional growth and resilience.

Remember that every child is unique, and the process of co-regulation may vary from one child to another. Be patient with yourself and your child, and seek support from professionals if needed. With love, understanding, and empathy, you can help your child navigate the complexities of emotions and build a strong foundation for a happy and emotionally resilient future.

By Tonya Zimring, MS, OTR/L, ECE

Thrive Baby Therapy

Fairfax, CA